Life After Prostate Removal: Erectile Dysfunction Poetry.
One of the greatest satisfactions in running ‘A Touchy Subject’ is my inbox.
I have the privilege to receive the most incredible emails. Men share with me their questions, concerns for the future, and what life post prostate removal is really like.
A common theme is the unexpected impact of the mental and emotional aspects of the physical function changes.
It’s usually discussed a lot less. And emotional stuff is often a lot trickier to put into words than physical changes.
So it was quite an unexpected delight when a couple of months ago I received a unique take on this aspect of recovery.
A poem about Erectile Dysfunction, from a gentleman called Steve.
Steve explained:
“We tend not to talk too much, us blokes. Because we don’t share very much, our journeys can be a bit lonely, we tend to internalize rather than express.
The loss of function from prostate cancer surgery, for me, is as much a mental challenge as much as a physical one.
We lose function, we lose self-esteem, and we lose connection.
I don’t know where this poetry stuff has come from, I’ve never written verse before!
But anyway, here it is.”
With Steve’s permission, I am sharing three of his poems with you. You might see some of your own thoughts and feelings reflected in his words.
You can purchase Steve’s book of poems: ‘Words Woke Me’ here.
My Trusty Old Friend
Still only a half,
Still only a quarter.
Just stick it in,
That plastic transporter.
Now grease it up good,
Silicone ring on the end.
Pretty soon he’ll be there,
My trusty old friend.
Oh, just for one night,
I’d like it be normal.
No pump or no needles
Roll over, informal.
Alas, it is not,
Alas, is not so.
I hope that one day,
I’ll be all systems go.
So, needle it, pump it,
Stretch it and bend.
I’ll soon have it back
My trusty old friend!
Your partners right with you,
Though out of their league.
They try to understand,
All the care you will need.
With patience, perseverance,
Love messages send.
Hope I see you some day,
My trusty old friend!
Small Victories
Steve: One function I miss post surgery is the nocturnal erection. I recently had a tiny victory in that department, and a sign that things may be on the improve (8 months after surgery). I wanted to share that victory with you in a lighthearted verse.
It’s been a while,
Now I just can’t remember,
What it feels like
To have a useful member.
He just sits there all soft,
Just flapping in the breeze,
Not happy at all,
Not able to please.
That little old thing,
It’s now always so placid,
I really am tired
Of it just being flaccid,
The knife’s done it’s work,
The cancers all gone.
But it’s left me quite different
With feelings forlorn.
But just last night
While I was asleep,
Something strange happened
Between the sheets.
I woke to a feeling
That used to be there.
A warmness a fullness
Where is the despair?
I noticed it different,
A little at attention,
That floppy squishy thing,
That useless pretender.
It bought me such joy,
There was almost some laughter.
Even though the victory
Was merely a HALFER.
Well, I’m not even sure
If halfer is right.
Maybe a quarter,
But I’ll take it, alright!
So, keep up the pump,
And keep up the work.
Keep up the needles,
Keep up the jerk!
And with some hope and some thought,
I think that soon,
My favourite will work,
That wonderful spoon.
“Keep it all in your head”
Steve: This one I wrote when I was told that I was thinking about it too much. I know what the person was trying to say but it came out the wrong way and cut me a bit.
Don’t think about it,
Don’t talk about it,
Keep it all locked inside.
They don’t want to hear it,
They’ll just run and hide.
Your penis, ha-ha,
They’ll think it’s a joke.
After all your feelings:
Well, they’re just from a bloke.
They say a bloke thinks about it,
A thousand times through the day.
A bloke’s mind thinks about it,
Never off it will stray.
“Well, your brain’s in your dick”,
Has it never been said?
”Yeh, your brains in your dick,
It’s not in your head”.
The words they cut through,
They don’t know what you’re feeling.
A word is a knife,
It leaves me just reeling.
Just keep it inside you,
Your dumb brain has said.
Just keep inside you,
F*ed up in your head.
The battle, it’s so real,
Never felt it before.
Something’s missing inside,
But there’s feelings galore.
No one can see,
Your hurt and your pain.
No one can see it,
Again, and again.
No one can see,
The pressure that mounts.
Only I can see it,
So, I guess that’s what counts?
F*k them! Too right,
Cause I know that they’re wrong.
My brain’s in my head,
It’s not in my schlong!
Anguish, anxiety,
And fear doesn’t act.
Those thoughts in my head,
Well, a fact is a fact.
F*k it! I say.
Don’t be quiet, be proud.
Be silent no more.
Write a verse, shout it loud.
Your journey is long.
It’s hard and it’s tough.
Mental scars they will heal,
cause enough is enough.
Yes, f*k it, I say.
They’re your feelings, they’re real,
The fear is right there,
I can touch it and feel.
Where to next?
Finding your own way of expressing the internal experience of post prostate life can help with the internal pressure that Steve describes in this last piece.
Whether it’s having a coffee with a trusted friend or talking to your partner, finding the right therapist for you, writing it down in a journal, or even talking to other blokes across the globe through online support forums.
If you’re on Facebook, Steve says these two groups in particular have been extremely helpful for him:
The Intimacy OT: On Sex & Intimacy After Cancer (run by Tess Deveze, our pleasure guide from “Re-Program your Penis” Masterclass)