'It's not about the shark...(/erection)'
I’m currently reading ‘It’s not about the shark: the simple path from problem to answer’ by Dr. David Niven. The reader is taken through studies and anecdotes demonstrating counter intuitive ways to solve complex problems.
The crux so far seems to be this :
Get away from focusing your attention and energy on thinking about the problem… move instead to focusing and attending to the solution, what the vision you want to achieve looks like and feels like.
And like everything I read, I relate it back to erection recovery after prostate surgery (yes, my brain is an interesting place to live).
As an example, let’s take Spielberg’s infamous film ‘Jaws’ as a case study.
In the beginning stages of the filming process (in fact from the sounds of it rather direly far into the process) Steven was sweating bullets over spending the film’s entire budget on building a mechanical shark that was more like a giant marshmallow than a haunting sea beast.
Focusing on fixing the shark by pouring more and more money into the physicality of beast was not leading to any better footage to wow and shock the audience - the ultimate aim.
The solution only came to Spielberg when he stopped looking at fixing the shark and turned attention to what he was trying to achieve - a stellar thriller - he asked himself instead: ‘what would Hitchcock do in this situation?’
That’s when he had a light bulb moment. Take it all back to the base essentials - the psychological experience he wanted to created.
They got rid of the shark and replaced it with John Williams’ ripper score and murky underwater camera shots. What the audience couldn’t see and had to use their minds to imagine, was more terrifying than anything Spielberg could create.
… So, what has this got to do with what lies beneath your jocks?
I see a lot of clients 100% focused on the physical problem: ‘I cannot get an erection, I cannot get an erection’.
They tell me about all the money and time they have poured into the problem, how this has only stressed them out further, with the spotlight firmly places on the lack of what they want.
This neglects the solution, the place we need to put the focus.
The solution is the experience of having an erection, whatever that means to the individual. The feeling of relief, confidence, joy, passion, connection, drive (some, all, or more of the above). Pleasure is usually at the very forefront, both the giving and receiving.
So let’s actually talk about pleasure.
Pleasure, like pain, is an experience that begins and is controlled by the mind. The psychology of the situation. Pleasure is also not just the end result of an erection interestingly, it also creates an erection. Becoming aroused, feeling fully ‘turned on’, stress-free and in a pleasure experiencing state (more precisely, the parasympathetic nervous system) is the key ingredient every spontaneous erections require. Sure, the erection also needs those nerves surrounding the prostate to be ‘on’ too, but without pleasure and relaxation, the nerves will not fire no matter how ready for action they are.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely mechanical activity that helps an erection along too, and it’s a challenging idea to get the problem out of your mind altogether. But start to pay attention to where your focus is. Are you shining your spotlight at the problem, or could you ask yourself a better question to get you to focus on the solution?