Performance anxiety? Disperse the spotlight.

Here is one idea if you are feeling anxious that you cannot ‘perform’ during sex.

When erections are no longer reliable like clockwork, you might find yourself with a mental ‘spotlight’ on during sex. A great bright shining beam focused on your penis, demanding it to dance on cue.

It’s normal for this experience to happen. Vagina owners often experience this too. There’s a lot of expectations, shoulds and ought tos that we attach onto sex. It then makes sense that the mind would be occupied with the uncertainty around ‘will it, won’t it, what if it doesn’t?’

However, ironically, this focus on one part of the body acting a certain way during sex, makes that experience run off into the distance - and elope with the rest of the sexual experience too.

Imagine instead, taking that mental spotlight beam and widening it to include other parts of the body too.

What are the thighs, abdomen, chest feeling and doing? Fingers and toes - what are they feeling? How does your partner’s arm feel to touch? What’s making eye contact with them like?

Broaden the spotlight of awareness, remove the pressure, and take in all the sensations available.

(image by Oscar Keys)

Victoria Cullen